NEW YORK – In an editorial on Monday, New York Times editors gushed over recent photographs of President Obama riding his bicycle, at one point calling Obama “an example of rugged masculinity gone wild!” The newspaper derided critics of the president, even suggesting that John Boehner or Karl Rove try competing with Obama in a macho sport such as rugby or ultimate fighting rather than “ridicule him from afar like sissies.”
The ladies on daytime television’s The View tapped into the photo hysteria, with Joy Behar telling the audience, “If Obama rode his bike into my neighborhood I’d force him to have sex with me in the street!” Whoopie Goldberg high-fived Behar and then Barbara Walters stood up and began grinding her hips, much to the delight of the screaming audience.
MSNBC’s Chris Matthews showed the Obama bike photographs on his show Hardball. He appeared flustered as he spoke of the photos to guests. “I’ll tell you, when I saw these pictures, I got a warm feeling up my inner thigh and into my groin. And believe you me, my wife took advantage of that situation…if you know what I mean!”
The furor over the release of the bicycle photographs stretches from media outlets coast to coast. The Boston Globe dubbed the photographs a “toxic elixir that soothes the aching heart” while the San Francisco Chronicle fawned, “If ever there was a time when America needed a macho, in-your-face, physical example of aggressiveness and old fashioned male moxie, that time is now and the man is Barack Obama.”
N.Y. Times’ Maureen Dowd borrowed from Shakespeare to express her sentiment of the Obama bicycle photos:
“What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god.”
Lady Gaga
Pop icon Lady Gaga told The Daily Rash that the Obama bike photos caused her to become flushed and lightheaded.
“After I regained my composure I walked crab-like to my piano and wrote a song to my President and Commander in Chief in just under two minutes.”
You Make My Loin Ache words and music by Lady Gaga
You make me grunt like a linebacker
You make me squeal like a pig
You make me screech like a vulture
You make me groan like a convict
Ride that bike my swarthy leader!
Ride that bike my swarthy leader!
The photographs seem to have rejuvenated the President’s recent lackluster approval ratings. Just ten days ago a Rasmussen poll showed President Obama with a 28% approval rating. The day after the bicycle photographs appeared, a Washington Post/MSNBC poll showed Obama with a 94% approval rating. Upon hearing the latest poll numbers, Vice President Joe Biden told an audience in Meban, North Carolina that democrats would not lose the presidency or one seat in the house or senate in 2012.
“Mark my words! Not only will we not lose one seat, but we will gain much more! Maybe even more than that!”
The Vice President then sent the crowd into a screaming frenzy when he jumped on a bicycle and, with the help of several assistants, peddled off the stage.
Several democrats have taken a cue from Obama’s bike riding sensation. Senator Harry Reid is now wearing a bike safety helmet during campaign and television appearances and inside sources tell The Daily Rash that Congressman Barney Frank has recently been requesting “virile bike messenger types” from his favorite D.C. escort service Capital Hill Rent-a-Stud.
