NEW YORK – In an editorial on Monday the New York Times gushed over photographs of President Obama riding his bicycle, at one point exclaiming the president was “an example of rugged masculinity gone wild!” The newspaper derided critics of the president, even suggesting that John Boehner and Karl Rove try competing with him in a “macho sport such as rugby or ultimate fighting rather than ridicule him from afar like sissies.”
The ladies on daytime television’s “The View” tapped into the photo hysteria, with Joy Behar telling the audience, “If Obama rode his bike into my neighborhood I’d make him have sex with me in the street!” After Whoopie Goldberg high-fived Behar, Barbara Walters stood up and began grinding her hips, much to the delight of the screaming audience.
After MSNBC’s Chris Matthews showed Obama’s bicycle photographs on his show “Hardball,” he trembled when he spoke to his guests. “I admit,” he snickered, “when I saw these pictures I felt a scorching-hot sensation shooting up my inner thigh and into my groin. And believe you me, my wife took advantage of that situation…if you know what I mean.”
The enthusiasm over the bicycle photographs stretches from media outlets coast to coast. The Boston Globe dubbed the photographs a “toxic elixir that soothes the aching heart” while the San Francisco Chronicle fawned, “If ever there was a time when America needed a macho, in-your-face, physical example of aggressiveness and old fashioned male moxie, that time is now and the man is Barack Obama.”
N.Y. Times’ Maureen Dowd borrowed from Shakespeare to express her sentiment of the Obama bicycle photos:
“What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god.”
Pop icon Lady Gaga told the Daily Rash that the Obama bike photos caused her to become flushed and lightheaded.
“After I regained my composure I walked crab-like to my piano and wrote a song to my President and Commander in Chief in just under two minutes.”
You Make My Loin Ache – words and music by Lady Gaga
You make me grunt like a linebacker
You make me squeal like a pig
You make me screech like a vulture
You make me groan like a convict
Ride that bike my swarthy leader!
Ride that bike my swarthy leader!
The hysteria over the photographs has remarkably rejuvenated the President’s stagnant approval ratings. Just ten days ago a Rasmussen poll showed President Obama with a 48% approval rating. Two days after the publication of the photographs a Washington Post/NBC/Newsweek poll showed Obama with a 99% approval rating. After the new poll numbers were released, Vice President Biden told an audience in North Carolina that Democrats would not lose the presidency or one seat in the House or Senate in 2016.
“Mark my words,” he bellowed, “not only will we not lose one seat, but we will gain many more. Maybe even more than that!”
The vice president sent the crowd into a screaming frenzy when he put on a helmet, jumped on a bicycle and peddled off the stage.
Several Democrats have taken a cue from Obama’s bike riding sensation. Senator Harry Reid is now wearing a bike safety helmet during speeches and television appearances, and confidential sources tell the Daily Rash that former Congressman Barney Frank has begun requesting “virile bike messenger types” from Capital Hill Rent-a-Stud, his favorite D.C. escort service.