WASHINGTON – During this morning’s White House briefing Jay Carney confirmed President Obama will appoint Al Sharpton to be the administration’s new Global Warming Czar. Carney said the president was astonished at the scientific brilliance Sharpton displayed when he explained man-made climate change earlier this week on MSNBC.
“The president happened to tune into ‘PoliticsNation’ on MSNBC this week when Reverend Sharpton was educating his audience on the complicated intricacies of man-made climate change. Armed with scientific facts and undeniable evidence, Mr. Sharpton was able to explain in layman’s terms the devastation we will all experience if we don’t act to rein in corporate America’s disregard for our planet.”
This afternoon Al Sharpton appeared on CNN with Piers Morgan to discuss his new position at the White House. Following is a transcript of their conversation.
PIERS MORGAN: My next guest is the new Czar of Climate Change, Reverend Al Sharpton. Welcome to the show, Mr. Sharpton.
AL SHARPTON: You may call me Reverend.
AL SHARPTON: You’re welcome and I accept your congregation, Percy.
PIERS MORGAN: Climate Change Czar! I was not aware you were so knowledgeable about environmental dangers.
AL SHARPTON: There are lots of things I’m allegible for.
PIERS MORGAN: Tell me, when did you become so educated in climate change?
AL SHARPTON: Oh, I’ve been a huge fan of weather my entire whole life.
PIERS MORGAN: Did you study science in school?
AL SHARPTON: Nope. I’m what you would call self-adjudicated. I learned most things that way.
PIERS MORGAN: So when did you first become concerned about climate change?
AL SHARPTON: Oh, probably the first time I ran for president. I realized that lots of people on the left wanted global warming to be a tropic of their represenator’s oral condensations.
AL SHARPTON: My concern for those entering retirement was motivational. The elderlies are terrified of having to swim for their lives in floods due to man-made carbohydrates.
PIERS MORGAN: Reverend Sharpton, are you personally afraid of the consequences of climate change?
AL SHARPTON: My personal consequentials are personal, but the potentiality of global flooding in New York where I abode are catastrophous.
PIERS MORGAN: As the new czar of climate change, what will be your initial priority?
AL SHARPTON: African Americans will be my official minority, but I will not overlook a conspicuous regard for Latinos and homosapiens too.
PIERS MORGAN: Reverend Sharpton, what are some things you will recommend to reverse man-made climate change in the United States?
AL SHARPTON: I do not plan to go into reverse. Now is not the time to move backwards. We need to look forward rather than post a tasty retreat. I always say tomorrow is another day to fight against impression and any quality.
PIERS MORGAN: For decades Al Gore has warned us of the impending calamities of climate change. Do you plan to confer with him during your tenure as climate czar?
AL SHARPTON: Well, I don’t know if it’s going to be a ten year job, but who knows. Maybe I’ll be good at it.
PIERS MORGAN: I’m assuming as climate czar you will have an immense amount of power to crack down on some of the abuses of companies emitting poison into our air.
AL SHARPTON: What I will do as the climate star is seek and desist the crack down on drug abuses that send so many innocent African American men of color to prison and replace those laws with ambulatory rebilitation and career consoling.
AL SHARPTON: Tea baggers want the climate to flood because they don’t think African Americans can swim.
PIERS MORGAN: Can you swim?
AL SHARPTON: I used to be able to float when I was fat.
PIERS MORGAN: And now that you’re skinny?
AL SHARPTON: (snickers) When the floods come I’ll just have to pray that Oprah floats by.