WASHINGTON, DC – The White House announced today that President Barack Obama will step down as the President of the United States so that he can focus on winning the 2012 Democratic presidential nomination.
White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, said the President plans to make an official announcement in a speech at Germany’s Tiergarten Park, the same location of his speech in 2008 where an estimated 200,000 Germans screamed and cheered for him.
“The President feels it would be an appropriate location to announce that he will be running as a Democratic presidential candidate in the 2012 election.”
The Daily Rash spoke with Carney following his announcement.
Jay Carney: President Obama is very much aware that things are not going well for the United States right now. So he is determined to let the people know that he has plans to end the wars, pass an even better universal health care bill and to stop global warming in 2012.
The Daily Rash: But isn’t he trying to do those things now?
Jay Carney: President Obama realizes that there are far too many problems right now to really accomplish anything. With the economy still so sluggish, many people are wary of more bail-outs, let alone the exorbitant costs of Obama-care. Since a Cap and Trade bill could put thousands more out of work, he understands that the time for change is almost now.
The Daily Rash: But those are the changes he is attempting to make now.
Jay Carney: Not anymore! President Obama wants to start all over.
The Daily Rash: Huh?
Jay Carney: Remember when we were kids? When we’d be playing a game of….oh, I don’t know… kick-ball? Remember when something didn’t go right and we did a do-over? Or sometimes we even started the whole game over? Well that’s what President Obama is going to do. He wants a do-over. So he’s going to stop being President for right now and run for president again in about a year!
The Daily Rash: Can he do that?
Jay Carney: Of course he can, he’s Barack Obama! And he’s hoping to change everything next time.
The Daily Rash: So Joe Biden is going to be President?
Jay Carney: Oh God no! I mean, Vice President Biden wouldn’t think of it! He’s really into being the Vice President. Nothing could pull him away from his Vice Presidential duties.
The Daily Rash: But he has to take over as President. It’s in the Constitution!
Jay Carney: Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far! President Obama is going to choose a Presidential Czar. That way, Vice President Biden can continue to do the magnificent job he’s doing as the Vice President. Of course, by choosing a Presidential Czar, President Obama can avoid the riots, burning of cities and the slaughter that would occur by announcing that House Speaker Boehner is the new President of the United States.
The Daily Rash: Who is Obama choosing to be the new Presidential Czar?
Jay Carney: At this time the President has not yet decided that, but he hopes to choose someone before he stops being President. If the time comes and he hasn’t yet chosen anyone, he will still act like the President. He and his family will still live in the White House, he just won’t be involved in all the stuff that’s making everything so difficult.
The Daily Rash: What will he do?
Jay Carney: Oh, he’s got lots of plans. Those Roman Columns from the Denver speech are still in storage, so we are definitely going to use them in Germany. Of course, right now we’re just in the beginning stages. But I do know that he’ll be co-hosting a week with Oprah on her new network and that he and Michelle are doing Dancing with the Stars. There’s something in the works with Maury Povitch and it was confirmed earlier today that the Obamas will be on ABC’s Wife Swap with Rosie O’Donnell and her wife or girlfriend… depending on what state you live in! (several people laugh)
The Daily Rash: But what’s going to happen to the country? Everything is going to fall apart even more than it is now!
Jay Carney: Exactly! And that is why Obama is going to be so necessary in 2012! He will be the only one who can change things!
The Daily Rash: The Hope and Change thing again?
Jay Carney: Better! For 2012 it’s…. Hope and Change for Real!