WASHINGTON, DC – During his appearance last night on the Joy Behar Show, President Obama said that he is tired of taking the blame for everything and that it was time that his second in command started taking some of the heat. Obama reiterated what he’d said just hours earlier on The Maury Povich show.
“Frankly, it’s time for Vice President Biden to get off his ass and do something.”
Obama told Maury Povich that he’d become aware that Vice President Biden was being let off the hook for everything while he, the President of the United States, was forced to endure the backlash of failed promises, over-exposure, ecological disasters and teleprompter jokes.
I inherited this mess!
“When I was elected into office by a large majority of the population of this mediocre country, I didn’t bring any baggage with me, Maury. But then I wake up the day after I’m sworn in and I’m looking at a lot of ugly stuff left by the previous administration. I didn’t ask for any of that crap. I didn’t tell anybody to give me their mistakes. But since I was the newly elected president, I had no choice but to try and accept that life isn’t fair.”
Povich asked the president why Biden hadn’t been more help.
“I can’t answer that, Maury. Now don’t get me wrong. Joe does the best that he can but he’s like a boat without an oar. Most of the time he’s just kind of floatin’ around aimlessly. As everyone is well aware, Joe likes to drink. Joe opens his mouth too often and what comes out is, more often than not, something he ends up apologizing for. The Daily Rash has printed several accurate stories about what I have to put up with with Joe. So I told him today, to his face while the cameras were rolling, that his inaction and his irresponsibility is to blame for the mess down in the Gulf.”
“The vice president was on the last leg of his punishment for last month’s family picnic ordeal and he was supposed to have his door open at all times. When the president found it locked he banged on the door until the vice president finally opened it. When President Obama smelled liquor on Biden’s breath he began to inspect his bedroom. He found a PlayStation3 under the bed with Grand Theft Auto IV still running and the vice president’s iPod was in his underwear drawer playing a Helen Reddy song. When the president discovered a bootleg copy of the entire final season of 24 stuffed in the vice president’s hamper, he became unhinged. All those things were prohibited last month when the vice president was grounded.”
The next morning President Obama chastised Vice President Biden in front of congressional leaders and the press. He scolded him for not doing enough in the Gulf region, at one point asking, “what exactly do you do all day?” He told the vice president that he had let down the American people and he needed to redeem himself in the eyes of his countrymen.
“I apologize for anything I may have done wrong and for stuff that I should have done but haven’t,” Biden mumbled, fighting back emotion. “I will not let you down, Mr. President.”
“Can I count on you, Joe?”
“You can count on me, Mr. President!”
“Good! Now go plug that hole in the Gulf!”
Vice President Biden saluted the president and left through a side door.
Afterward, Rahm Emanuel high-fived the President, telling him “Your country watched you kick ass this morning Mr. President! We’re back in the ball game!” The President returned the high-five and was immediately whisked to a waiting limo that was to take him to the Maury Povich show.
David Axelrod told the Daily Rash that if Biden can fix the mess down in the Gulf, the president will most likely get him to deal with Iran.
“The president told me that if Vice President Biden can stop that oil spill that he’s going to belittle him again so he’ll be eager to figure out a way to deal with Iran too.”