AMUNDSEN-SCOTT, ANTARCTICA – In the tradition of some of the most ardent revolutionaries throughout history, 32 year-old Steinar Skramstad isn’t allowing inconvenient circumstances to hinder his steadfast determination to lead the charge for change in Antarctica. Protesting by himself in mind numbing -50 degree temperatures outside his parents’ home, Steinar Skramstad’s lonely revolt against corporate predators is a stoic demonstration of a modern day David standing tall and defiant in the face of a Goliath called Wall Street. A lionhearted rebel’s valiant crusade to make his world a better and brighter place. With wind gusts up to seventy miles per hour, Steinar is routinely knocked off his feet and sent sliding across the icy tundra until he is able to stand again. Forced to venture indoors every three to four minutes to avoid hypothermia, Mr. Skramstad returns to the brutal and merciless outdoors after his hallucinations dissipate to resume his demonstration against greed.
Over a static filled short wave radio interview, Steinar Skramstad’s mom told reporters that she is proud of her son’s ‘Occupy Antarctica’ protest to make the world a better place.
“Are my son’s actions any different than the heroic actions of revolutionaries like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Gandhi or Cindy Sheehan? Steinar’s father and I are so proud of his willingness to stand outside in a frigid, barren wasteland of ice and rock and protest until Wall Street pariahs hear his cries for change. And to be honest, I don’t know of any other revolutionaries who’ve had their eyes freeze shut so tight that you need a fork to pry them open. Do you?”
Steinar’s father, Skjoldulv Skramstad, is a glaciologist who studies snow for the Department of Energy’s Office of Science. The elder Skramstad received his PhD in Snow at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. Skjoldulv’s wife Betty, an artist who makes ice sculptures, stole his heart in college when she took a pile of snow he was studying in class and shaped it into a remarkable likeness of downtown Chapel Hill. Betty Skramstad said the passion she and her husband have for snow and ice rubbed off on Steinar.
“At a very young age Steinar was mesmerized by ice. We had to put a lock on the freezer to keep him away from the ice trays. When he was five we bought him his first snow cone and he got so excited that he began jumping up and down and peeing in his pants. To this day he has an insatiable urge to urinate when it snows.”
Like his father before him, Steinar Skramstad earned a PhD in Snow at UNC. His dreams of working along side his dad were shattered when Congress slashed funding for the Office of Science. Burdened with an $85,000 student loan and few employment prospects, Steinar was forced to move back home with his parents when he graduated. Last week, after his mom read him a newspaper clipping about Occupy Wall Street protesters demanding their student loans be forgiven, Steinar recognized a fury growing within him to begin demonstrating against corporate greed.
“There are very few part-time job opportunities here in Antarctica,” Steinar’s mother said. “Even though Steinar helps around the house by taking out the trash and feeding the goldfish, his father and I wish he could contribute more to his $600 school loan payment that we’ve been saddled with. If his courageous and selfless protests against greed and corruption inadvertently lead to the elimination of his student loans, it would be a tiny pat on the back for a magnanimous young man’s heroic efforts to battle the soulless and corrupt cretins of Wall Street.”