San Francisco Allows Happy Meals After McDonald’s OK’s Back Room Fisting

Total Control Hood2a San Francisco Allows Happy Meals After McDonalds OKs Back Room FistingSAN FRANCISCO – Representatives for the McDonald’s Corporation met with members of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors yesterday hoping to settle their dispute over the sale of Happy Meals in San Francisco. Last week the Board of Supervisors voted to pass a law severely curtailing the practice of giving away toys with meals intended for children. The new law states that children’s meals offering free toys must include fruits, vegetables and pamphlets that advocate tolerance, acceptance and the willingness to always place others before yourself. The law also called for stiff penalties for restaurants that did not adhere to the new rules that could include prison sentences of up to five years.

McDonald’s representatives met with San Francisco supervisors in a nine hour closed door meeting that ended in a compromise both sides are calling a victory. Supervisor Helga Staglite told the Daily Rash that she and the rest of the board were “happily surprised” with McDonald’s willingness to meet the demands and rigid restrictions of the council.images1 San Francisco Allows Happy Meals After McDonalds OKs Back Room Fisting

“There were so many issues at play in our recent decision to implement the new law. Although enforcing healthy meals for our children is at the top of the list, in a city like ours inclusion and diversity is equally important. We’ve been very happy with McDonald’s efforts in the past to hire a vast assortment of our city’s minorities along with our citizens of non-Christian religious faiths. Many San Francisco based McDonald’s restaurants have gay, lesbian and even transgendered men and women working behind the counter. But of the more than eight hundred McDonald’s restaurants in the metropolitan area, not one of them has ever offered a reach-around, if you will, to our leather, latex, S&M and bondage brothers, most notably in the Castro Street area of our city.”

2009 01 22 1131 38427 San Francisco Allows Happy Meals After McDonalds OKs Back Room FistingMcDonald’s agreed to begin hiring leather queens, sadomasochists and sex slavery enthusiasts along with torture, humiliation and bondage fetishists. In exchange, the San Francisco board of supervisors is allowing the unrestricted sale of Happy Meals at all of the city’s McDonald’s restaurants. McDonald’s spokesperson Ronald McDermott spoke with the Daily Rash.

“McDonald’s has been on the forefront of the diversity movement for decades. We made national news when we became the first fast food chain to hire a man without arms to work behind the counter. We upended the status quo when we began hiring lepers to work in our Calcutta based franchises. In the mid-nineties, McDonald’s carried the torch of acceptance and tolerance when we hired several sex offenders for our Carrboro, North Carolina restaurants, and in 2004 we hired and trained six Guantanamo detainees for a franchise in Vermont. This year our flagship store in South Central Los Angeles has seen a significant drop in the murder, rape and aggravated assault rates among our employees. So by adding backroom fisting in a number of our San Francisco restaurants, we feel we will once again be a leading contender in the war against intolerance and in the fight for equality for all people.”happy meal children 300x198 San Francisco Allows Happy Meals After McDonalds OKs Back Room Fisting

San Francisco Mayor Edwin M. Lee praised city supervisors in their efforts to safe-guard against childhood obesity while at the same time “mainstreaming” the city’s burgeoning leather, bondage and fetish enthusiasts.

“Our leather brothers have been overlooked and treated like second class citizens far too long. Even I must confess that I haven’t been as attentive as I should have been in safe-guarding their self worth. I have already apologized to several leather, bondage and sadomasochism representatives, and today I authorized the sum of six-hundred million dollars to be used to construct a Bondage, Discipline and Sadomasochism Museum (BDSM) in Golden Gate Park near the playground.”

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