Posts Tagged ‘ al gore ’

Al Gore: ‘Global Warming Will Cause Millions of People’s Heads to Explode’

NEW YORK –  Former Vice President Al Gore issued a joint statement with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) this morning warning that unless drastic measures are taken this year to curb global warming, millions of people’s heads are going to explode. Speaking to U.N. delegates at the One World Economic Forum, Gore...
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Al Gore Trapped in Blizzard En Route to Climate Fundraiser

CHICAGO – Former vice president and current global warming superstar, Albert Arnold Gore Jr., was trapped in his limousine on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive last night for thirty minutes after the limo slid into a twelve foot snowbank. Although Mr. Gore did not receive any physical injuries, his driver said that Mr. Gore may...
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Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

NASHVILLE – Former Vice President Al Gore lashed out at the Vatican this morning, calling the tradition of releasing smoke into the atmosphere during papal conclave voting “fundamentally negligent” and “grossly inappropriate.” He also questioned the morality behind using what he called the “ancient pagan ritual of carbon emissions worship” in order to advance...
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Al Gore Addicted to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE – Tipper Gore broke her silence this week and opened up about her divorce from former Vice President Al Gore. In an interview with Vibe magazine, Tipper shocked many people close to the family when she disclosed startling details of Al Gore’s predilection for kinky sex. According to the article, husband Al’s...
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Al Gore Becomes A Priest, Plans To Build Ark

WASHINGTON – During an appearance on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews, Al Gore revealed that prior to divorcing his wife Tipper he was ordained a Catholic priest. He added that he plans to spend the rest of his life listening to confessions “before the impending global warming apocalypse kills everyone on the planet.” A...
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Al Gore Postpones Copenhagen to Hear Tiger Woods Confess

JUNIPER ISLAND, FL – Over the weekend, Vice President Al Gore postponed a lucrative trip to Copenhagen so he might convince golf impresario Tiger Woods to confess to him. Gore told reporters that at this point in his life, a confession from Tiger Woods would be “even more important” to him than the global...
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Hillary Clinton Performs Hilarious Stroke Victim Impersonation at U.N.

Hillary Clinton Performs Hilarious Stroke Victim Impersonation at U.N.

NEW YORK – In a rare display of lighthearted spontaneity at a United Nation’s Women’s Rights conference last week, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton followed her impassioned speech with a comical “stroke victim” impersonation that triggered a raucous response from delegates and conference guests. Howling laughter permeated the General Assembly Hall during Mrs....
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Vice President Biden Admits He Occasionally Takes Out Payday Loans

Vice President Joe Biden visited with Al Sharpton this morning on MSNBC where he spoke candidly about Hillary Clinton, his 2016 presidential aspirations and the financial hardships his family has faced since becoming the vice president. Following is a transcript of that discussion which will air this evening on Sharpton’s show, PoliticsNation, on MSNBC....
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White House Admits Obama Listens to NSA Surveillance of American Citizens

WASHINGTON – During his final press briefing from behind the White House podium Wednesday, departing White House Press Secretary Jay Carney acknowledged that President Obama occasionally listens in on the phone calls of American citizens being monitored by the NSA. Carney said the president’s participation is sporadic and is strictly for amusement and educational...
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Biden Says Released Detainees More Focused on Climate Change Than Jihad

WASHINGTON – While speaking to seniors about shotgun ownership at the Eternal Cul-de-Sac retirement home in Bethesda this morning, Vice President Biden was interrupted several times with questions about President Obama releasing five Guantanamo detainees in exchange for American prisoner, Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl. Each time the vice president brought the conversation back to the...
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