Posts Tagged ‘ Charlie Sheen ’

Al Qaeda Magazine ‘Inspire’ Publishes First Swimsuit Issue

YEMEN – In an apparent attempt to escalate worldwide interest in the holy war against infidels, Inspire, al Qaeda’s Internet propaganda magazine, published its first swimsuit issue this week. In a teleconference call from an unknown location in Yemen, a spokesperson for the magazine, someone who called himself Larry, told reporters that Inspire’s swimsuit...
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Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

DENVER – The Denver Broncos announced today that they’ve signed Jesus Christ to a one year, $100 million contract to play an unspecified position on their football team. After Sunday’s win over the Chicago Bears, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen met with Mr. Christ over cocktails at a downtown Denver AppleBee’s where he persuaded the...
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Charlie Sheen Debuts Kinder and Gentler Hairpiece at Emmy Awards

Charlie Sheen Debuts Kinder and Gentler Hairpiece at Emmy Awards

LOS ANGELES – A clean and sober Charlie Sheen took to the stage Sunday night at the 2011 Emmy Awards in Los Angeles to present the award for outstanding lead actor in a comedy series. In stark contrast to his recent warlock persona, Sheen’s demeanor was laden with humility and contrition. Before announcing the...
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Anthony Wiener Blames Lewd Twitter Pics on Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece

Anthony Wiener Blames Lewd Twitter Pics on Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece

NEW YORK – In a stunning turn of events earlier today, an enervated Anthony Wiener told reporters that he sent obscene photographs of himself to young women around the country because Charlie Sheen’s hairpiece told him to. During a statement overwrought with emotion and despair, Wiener claimed that Sheen’s hairpiece also told him to...
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Elizabeth Taylor Challenged Charlie Sheen to Try and Out-Party Her

Elizabeth Taylor Challenged Charlie Sheen to Try and Out-Party Her

BEVERLY HILLS – During a press conference several weeks before she passed away, a defiant Elizabeth Taylor lashed out at Charlie Sheen, calling his self-described epic drug fests “amateur” and “exaggerated.” Without attempting to hide her profoundly bloodshot eyes from cameras, Taylor told a group of reporters outside the Chateau Marmont Hotel that she’d just...
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Prince Charles & Camilla Partied with Charlie Sheen on Eve of Royal Wedding

Prince Charles & Camilla Partied with Charlie Sheen on Eve of Royal Wedding

LONDON – Buckingham Palace is buzzing today after news was leaked that Prince Charles and wife Camilla spent the night before Prince William’s wedding partying with American TV personality Charlie Sheen and several prostitutes. Reports claim that although Queen Elizabeth was in the Palace at the time, she thought the loud music, screaming and...
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Tyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees

Tyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees

NEW YORK – In what has become her signature maneuver as an investigative journalist, Tyra Banks was able to psychologically lure-in and then break down singer Meatloaf in a segment on 60 Minutes Sunday night, giving viewers a glimpse inside the angry rock star’s almost pathological preoccupation with his name. Tyra interviewed Meatloaf in...
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Breathing Oprah’s Air at the Academy Awards

Breathing Oprah’s Air at the Academy Awards

Celebrities go crazy at the Academy Awards in an effort to breath the same air as Oprah Winfrey!
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Moammar Khadafi Seeks Asylum in Alabama

Moammar Khadafi Seeks Asylum in Alabama

CRAWDAD, ALABAMA – As war planes flew over Libya’s capital of Tripoli and military snipers took position on rooftops in an apparent attempt to dissuade people from joining rebel fighters, news sources around the world issued reports that Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafi fled the country and was en route to Venezuela. Yet confidential sources...
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Win a Dream Date with Charlie Sheen Before He Dies

Win a Dream Date with Charlie Sheen Before He Dies

BEVERLY HILLS – In an effort to raise money for future legal fees, Charlie Sheen’s production company Crash and Burn Productions, along with investors Bruce Jenner, Hulk Hogan and Brett Michaels, is sponsoring a nation wide contest in which some lucky girl can win an all expense paid weekend date with Charlie Sheen, former...
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