Posts Tagged ‘ Chicago ’

Michelle Obama Proposes Slaughtering Obese Children

LAS VEGAS – This weekend First Lady Michelle Obama spoke at a gathering of physicians and nutritionists at a Childhood Obesity forum at the Bellagio hotel. Sporting a sleeveless garment that allowed her toned arms to mesmerize awestruck attendees, the first lady regaled her admirers as physically fit waitstaff served healthy hors d’oeuvres and...
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Boston Mayor Claims Fight Against Chick-fil-A Prevented Homosexual Holocaust

BOSTON – According to members of his staff, when Mayor Thomas Menino was told that the president of Chick-Fil-A restaurants did not support gay marriage, he knew the citizens of Boston would expect him to act. Although the rest of the nation is slowly beginning to accept the idea of gay marriage, Boston is...
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Rick Santorum Performs Exorcism in Walmart Parking Lot

Rick Santorum Performs Exorcism in Walmart Parking Lot

CHICAGO – In February of 2012, following his speech to a group of supporters in the parking lot of a Walmart Super Center yesterday, former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum performed an exorcism on a woman in the back of a van. Santorum staff members confirmed the former senator liberated a woman from the...
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Roving Bands of Ducks Terrorize Chicago

CHICAGO – At a press conference today in Daley Plaza, Chicago Police Chief Garry McCarthy assured this terrified city that his officers and federal agents were diligently working to subdue the diabolical ducks that have been preying on citizens and tourists for the past several months. Chief McCarthy was quick to add that intelligence...
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Jesse Jackson “Forgot” About His Illegitimate Child Last Christmas

Jesse Jackson “Forgot” About His Illegitimate Child Last Christmas

CHICAGO – In what is becoming an annual event, Tyra Banks hosted The Tyra Banks Day After Christmas Special on E! television that was taped the day after Thanksgiving. Her all-star guest list included a phone sex professional, former Brady Bunch mom Florence Henderson, NBC weatherman Al Roker and the Reverend Jesse Jackson. It...
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