Posts Tagged ‘ NFL ’

NFL to Force All Players to Dance After Every Play

NEW YORK – NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that all NFL players will be required to dance after every play in the upcoming 2014 season. “We feel that since the majority of players for the past many years have celebrated by dancing or preening after scoring, running, tackling, blocking, being penalized or just...
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Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress

Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress

FOXBOROUGH, MASS – After missing what would have been a game-tying field goal in the waning seconds of the AFC Championship game, Baltimore Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff told reporters that his frustration and disappointment with the U.S. Congress was a contributing factor in his bungled kick. Several of Cundiff’s family members concurred that the...
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Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

DENVER – The Denver Broncos announced today that they’ve signed Jesus Christ to a one year, $100 million contract to play an unspecified position on their football team. After Sunday’s win over the Chicago Bears, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen met with Mr. Christ over cocktails at a downtown Denver AppleBee’s where he persuaded the...
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Pre-Super Bowl Angst Causes Man to Shoot His Neighbors

Pre-Super Bowl Angst Causes Man to Shoot His Neighbors

GARDEN GROVE, CALIFORNIA – Ned Cockburn says he’s always been an obsessed NFL fanatic. A grown man who is crazy about the game, spending what he calls an “unhealthy” amount of time in front of the television watching NFL games, highlights, replays and analysis. Yesterday Ned shot sixteen of his neighbors because he was...
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Coach Jimmy Johnson Working Overtime to Enlarge Your Penis

Coach Jimmy Johnson Working Overtime to Enlarge Your Penis

MIAMI, FLORIDA – Former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson is a man with a mission. His obsession with completing that mission is so consuming that it overshadows the glory and grandeur of his former college and professional football coaching days. His desire so strong and powerful, he only sleeps three hours a night before he...
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Brett Favre Grimaces and Hobbles as Wife Winces in the Stands

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – Brett Favre hobbled off the football field grimacing and moaning, clutching various parts of his body and screaming his mother’s name. He shuffled off the field of the Louisiana Superdome having lost the NFC Championship to the New Orleans Saints. As he entered the locker room his wife Deanna met...
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