Posts Tagged ‘ Oprah ’

Biden Says Department of Homeland Security Crawling with Lesbians

WASHINGTON – With the demonstrations and subsequent military coup in Egypt drawing the bulk of the media’s attention this week, reports that a senior official at the Department of Homeland Security had resigned Saturday amid accusations of employment discrimination and sexual harassment were overlooked by the majority of news agencies. The official, Suzanne Barr,...
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Eric Holder Vows to Shave Mustache if Ferguson Cop Isn’t Indicted

FERGUSON, MISSOURI – Attorney General Eric Holder made a surprise appearance Friday at a parking lot protest rally in downtown Ferguson. Arriving by limo, Holder jumped up on the flatbed truck that served as a makeshift stage and waved to the hundred or so protesters before embracing Al Sharpton. When the attorney general lifted...
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Hillary Clinton Says Nazi Salute at Book Signing Was Just a Silly Joke

MARTHA’S VINEYARD – At a crowded book signing yesterday former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was photographed doing a Nazi salute as she and several women around her laugh. When Mrs. Clinton was asked about the photograph after it went viral she laughed and said her Nazi salute was “just a silly joke.” This...
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Obama Appoints Reverend Al Sharpton Global Warming Czar

WASHINGTON – During this morning’s White House briefing Jay Carney confirmed President Obama will appoint Al Sharpton to be the administration’s new Global Warming Czar. Carney said the president was astonished at the scientific brilliance Sharpton displayed when he explained man-made climate change earlier this week on MSNBC. “The president happened to tune into...
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John Kerry Enters Rehab After White House Stages Botox Intervention

WASHINGTON – This morning the White House acknowledged that President Obama invited John Kerry to Thanksgiving dinner last week in order to stage an intervention. Earlier in the week Obama met with several members of his administration to discuss Secretary Kerry’s Botox usage. After a lengthy discussion, the decision to stage an intervention was...
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Biden: ‘Obama Doesn’t Lie. He’s an Articulate & Clean African American’

WASHINGTON – What was supposed to have been a friendly town hall meeting for Vice President Biden with senior citizens this morning escalated into a raucous shouting match over problems with the newly implemented Affordable Care Act. Biden’s appearance was initially slated to promote his passion for shotgun ownership by explaining the dangers of...
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Barbara Walters Lands First Interview with 3-Month-Old Colorado Shooting Victim

Barbara Walters Lands First Interview with 3-Month-Old Colorado Shooting Victim

COLORADO – ABC News announced today that Barbara Walters has landed the first interview with the 3-month-old victim of last year’s tragic movie theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado. The baby was released from the hospital in good shape the day after the shootings with doctors saying the child’s injuries were not life threatening. The...
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Vice President Biden Endorses Rick Santorum

Vice President Biden Endorses Rick Santorum

WASHINGTON – In a surprising turn of events today, Vice President Joe Biden announced that he is backing Republican candidate Rick Santorum in the 2012 presidential race. The Vice President said he will continue to serve his country as second in command while he campaigns for Santorum on weekends. He assured his democratic base...
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OBAMA RESIGNS!

WASHINGTON, DC – The White House announced today that President Barack Obama will step down as the President of the United States so that he can focus on winning the 2012 Democratic presidential nomination. White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, said the President plans to make an official announcement in a speech at Germany’s...
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Family Refused to Allow Gulf Oil Spill Ruin Beach Vacation

GULF OF MEXICO – After a fun filled day of snorkeling and water skiing in the Gulf of Mexico, the Dunlap family was exhausted. Herb and Stella Dunlap almost canceled their beach vacation in 2010 after the large oil spill in the Gulf. After family and friends warned that it might be too dangerous...
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