Posts Tagged ‘ Politics ’

Al Gore Trapped in Blizzard En Route to Climate Fundraiser

CHICAGO – Former vice president and current global warming superstar, Albert Arnold Gore Jr., was trapped in his limousine on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive last night for thirty minutes after the limo slid into a twelve foot snowbank. Although Mr. Gore did not receive any physical injuries, his driver said that Mr. Gore may...
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Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

NASHVILLE – Former Vice President Al Gore lashed out at the Vatican this morning, calling the tradition of releasing smoke into the atmosphere during papal conclave voting “fundamentally negligent” and “grossly inappropriate.” He also questioned the morality behind using what he called the “ancient pagan ritual of carbon emissions worship” in order to advance...
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Al Gore Becomes A Priest, Plans To Build Ark

WASHINGTON – During an appearance on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews, Al Gore revealed that prior to divorcing his wife Tipper he was ordained a Catholic priest. He added that he plans to spend the rest of his life listening to confessions “before the impending global warming apocalypse kills everyone on the planet.” A...
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Al Gore Postpones Copenhagen to Hear Tiger Woods Confess

JUNIPER ISLAND, FL – Over the weekend, Vice President Al Gore postponed a lucrative trip to Copenhagen so he might convince golf impresario Tiger Woods to confess to him. Gore told reporters that at this point in his life, a confession from Tiger Woods would be “even more important” to him than the global...
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Al Sharpton Once Asked Vladimir Putin To Take Obama Horseback Riding

In March of 2014 Russian President Vladimir Putin appeared on MSNBC with Reverend Al Sharpton to discuss the turmoil in Ukraine.
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Hillary Clinton Says Nazi Salute at Book Signing Was Just a Silly Joke

MARTHA’S VINEYARD – At a crowded book signing yesterday former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was photographed doing a Nazi salute as she and several women around her laugh. When Mrs. Clinton was asked about the photograph after it went viral she laughed and said her Nazi salute was “just a silly joke.” This morning...
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FBI Says Ron Paul Handed Out LSD to Occupy Wall Street Protesters

WASHINGTON – According to a report released by the FBI this afternoon, during his presidential campaign run in 2011, former Texas Congressman Ron Paul visited the Occupy Wall Street protests in lower Manhattan where it’s alleged he handed out LSD tabs to protesters. A former spokesperson for the Ron Paul for President committee fervently...
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Hillary Clinton Performs Hilarious Stroke Victim Impersonation at U.N.

Hillary Clinton Performs Hilarious Stroke Victim Impersonation at U.N.

NEW YORK – In a rare display of lighthearted spontaneity at a United Nation’s Women’s Rights conference last week, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton followed her impassioned speech with a comical “stroke victim” impersonation that triggered a raucous response from delegates and conference guests. Howling laughter permeated the General Assembly Hall during Mrs....
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Biden Says Department of Homeland Security Crawling with Lesbians

WASHINGTON – With the demonstrations and subsequent military coup in Egypt drawing the bulk of the media’s attention this week, reports that a senior official at the Department of Homeland Security had resigned Saturday amid accusations of employment discrimination and sexual harassment were overlooked by the majority of news agencies. The official, Suzanne Barr,...
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NY Times Calls Obama Bicycle Photos ‘Rugged Masculinity Gone Wild!’

NY Times Calls Obama Bicycle Photos ‘Rugged Masculinity Gone Wild!’

NEW YORK – In an editorial earlier this week the New York Times gushed over photographs of President Obama riding his bicycle at Martha’s Vinyard, at one point exclaiming the president was “an example of rugged masculinity gone wild!” The newspaper derided critics of the president, even suggesting that John Boehner and Karl Rove...
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