PORT AU PRINCE, HAITI – Chelsea Clinton plans to do her part to raise money for Haitian relief efforts by hosting a special Spin-class in Port Au Prince. Chelsea arrived in Haiti on Tuesday with former President William Jefferson Clinton. She asked to join her father on his mission to coordinate efforts to get...
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LOS ANGELES – After he suffered what appears to be a severe mental collapse after being eliminated from ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, ex-NBA basketball player Rick Fox is resting comfortably in the psychiatric unit of an undisclosed Los Angeles area hospital. Doctors issued a statement earlier today describing Rick’s condition as “delicate” and...
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Virginia Beach, Virginia – Pat Robertson went on the 700 Club earlier today and apologized for his comments about Haiti after the country was destroyed by an earthquake Tuesday. He told a television camera that earlier in the day he’d received a copy of Haiti’s contract with Satan, and that it did indeed expire...
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LONG ISLAND – The Daily Rash has discovered that former MSNBC news commentator Keith Olbermann was evicted from his mother’s basement in Long Island by Suffolk County Police in 2008. Olbermann, who is fifty-three years old, had lived in the basement for almost thirty years. According to neighbors, Mrs. Olbermann had told her son...
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LAS VEGAS – As the flame begins to flicker on his fifteen minute candle, Levi Johnston held a press conference at the Palace Station Hotel and Casino today to announce the opening of his new company, Frontier Diaper Service. At least twenty two people, mostly elderly tourists, gathered as Levi waved to them and...
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GRETNA, LA – As prison guard boot heels echoed down the long rows of cell blocks, rapper C-Murder worked diligently in the basement of the Jefferson Parish Correctional Facility laying down tracks for his new CD. Some inmates strained to hear the faint bass thump through the stone walls and floors as others engaged...
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NEW YORK – Katie Couric announced today that she will have a Pap smear “live” on her first ABC daytime talk show scheduled to begin airing in September. She has asked the FCC for permission to show explicit graphics of the medical procedure so that people can see and experience exactly what is involved...
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RENO – At his divorce hearing today Randall Lewinski told a judge that he was a heterosexual man who participated in homosexual activities, but only when he was impersonating Elvis Presley. He informed the court that it was only when he was Elvis that he was attracted to other men. Lewinski’s wife Flora filed...
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Washington, DC – The White House announced today that another Obama speechwriter has died from exhaustion. Anderson Bartholomew Andersen Jr. was found lying on the floor of his Washington, DC office. District of Columbia M.E. spokesperson, David Ogden Russell, read a statement to reporters: “Anderson Bartholomew Andersen Jr. was found by janitorial people lying...
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JUNIPER ISLAND, FL – Over the weekend, Vice President Al Gore postponed a lucrative trip to Copenhagen so he might convince golf impresario Tiger Woods to confess to him. Gore told reporters that at this point in his life, a confession from Tiger Woods would be “even more important” to him than the global...
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