Posts Tagged ‘ Super Bowl ’

Ahmadinejad Halts Iran’s Nuclear Plans After Madonna’s Super Bowl Performance

Ahmadinejad Halts Iran’s Nuclear Plans After Madonna’s Super Bowl Performance

Tehran – Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that he’s terminated all Iranian nuclear programs and said he will travel to Israel later in the week to meet with Prime Minister Netanyahu to discuss peace. The announcement was made from an orphanage in Mashhad where Ahmadinejad spent several hours hugging children and playing tag....
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Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress

Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress

FOXBOROUGH, MASS – After missing what would have been a game-tying field goal in the waning seconds of the AFC Championship game, Baltimore Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff told reporters that his frustration and disappointment with the U.S. Congress was a contributing factor in his bungled kick. Several of Cundiff’s family members concurred that the...
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Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

DENVER – The Denver Broncos announced today that they’ve signed Jesus Christ to a one year, $100 million contract to play an unspecified position on their football team. After Sunday’s win over the Chicago Bears, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen met with Mr. Christ over cocktails at a downtown Denver AppleBee’s where he persuaded the...
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Pre-Super Bowl Angst Causes Man to Shoot His Neighbors

Pre-Super Bowl Angst Causes Man to Shoot His Neighbors

GARDEN GROVE, CALIFORNIA – Ned Cockburn says he’s always been an obsessed NFL fanatic. A grown man who is crazy about the game, spending what he calls an “unhealthy” amount of time in front of the television watching NFL games, highlights, replays and analysis. Yesterday Ned shot sixteen of his neighbors because he was...
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Jay Cutler’s Grandmother Calls Him a Pussy on Local Sports Show

Jay Cutler’s Grandmother Calls Him a Pussy on Local Sports Show

CHICAGO – After a bruising loss to the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Conference Championship, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler told reporters he was very disappointed that his teammates were not able to get him to the Super Bowl. Cutler left the game early in the third quarter due to a mysterious knee...
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Coach Jimmy Johnson Working Overtime to Enlarge Your Penis

Coach Jimmy Johnson Working Overtime to Enlarge Your Penis

MIAMI, FLORIDA – Former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson is a man with a mission. His obsession with completing that mission is so consuming that it overshadows the glory and grandeur of his former college and professional football coaching days. His desire so strong and powerful, he only sleeps three hours a night before he...
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New Orleans Wins Super Bowl! Bourbon Street Awash in Blood and Vomit

NEW ORLEANS, LA – The New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts yesterday in Miami to become the Super Bowl Champions of the National Football League. When the game ended many patrons of French Quarter bars celebrated by gathering on Bourbon Street. While thousands of people danced and clapped their hands, others shot each...
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Brett Favre Grimaces and Hobbles as Wife Winces in the Stands

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – Brett Favre hobbled off the football field grimacing and moaning, clutching various parts of his body and screaming his mother’s name. He shuffled off the field of the Louisiana Superdome having lost the NFC Championship to the New Orleans Saints. As he entered the locker room his wife Deanna met...
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