Al Gore Addicted to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE – Tipper Gore broke her silence this week and opened up about her divorce from former Vice President Al Gore. In an interview with Vibe magazine, Tipper shocked many people close to the family when she disclosed startling details of Al Gore’s predilection for kinky sex. According to the article, husband Al’s metamorphosis from political superstar to super-freak began fairly recently.

“Al began to request unorthodox sexual favors a couple of years ago,” Tipper recalled. “In the beginning I used to react with revulsion, but my therapist taught me that my reactions were having an adverse impact on Al’s self-esteem. With practice I learned to deny his requests while cloaking my disgust with a benign smile.”

Mrs. Gore talked about the first time she encountered her husband participating in actions that she was not accustomed to.

“I’d been out all day shopping and as everybody knows, shopping can just zap you of your strength. This was back when Al’s global warming scare tactics really started paying off. I mean, it was like money was falling from the sky, so my shopping sprees were elaborate and physically taxing. Anyway, I left my purchases with our driver and ran to the kitchen to get some United Nations approved mineral water. When I opened the door to the pantry Al was sitting on the floor in his priest outfit with a plastic bag on his head! I screamed and fell back against the wall. This was back when Al was really fat, so the plastic that was wrapped tight around his big head made his eyes bulge and…and I just lost it.”

The Daily Rash was the first to break the news of Al Gore dressing like a priest, listening to people’s confessions and building an ark. Tipper spoke about the first year of her husband’s confession fascination.

“He used to plead for me to confess to him. Beg me to reveal something I’d never told anyone. I didn’t understand any of it… the priest get-up, his fervent desire to hear strangers confess. Here was the former vice president of the United States venturing into dangerous areas of impoverished countries dressed up as a priest and bribing people with $5 bills to confess their sins to him. The whole thing was so creepy that it drove a stake into the heart of our love. Our relationship had deteriorated to such a point that we didn’t even phone each other from separate parts of our large houses anymore.”

[Auto-erotic asphyxiation (AEA) is the practice of cutting off the blood supply to the brain through self-applied suffocation methods while masturbating. Oxygen deficiency in the brain is thought to intensify sensations, producing feelings of giddiness, lightheadedness, or exhilaration that can heighten the orgasmic experience.]

Mrs. Gore said she thinks the unorthodox sexual stuff began after her husband began obsessing about getting Tiger Woods to confess to him.

“Al was hearing confessions in remote villages in Thailand when actor David Carradine asphyxiated himself in Bangkok. I was not aware at the time of Al’s insatiable intrigue with that tragedy. It was a few months later he became obsessed with Tiger Woods’ infidelity spectacle. That’s when I noticed that he’d begun to neglect his global warming scare tactics. He spent an entire month locked in his room watching news stories about Tiger’s mistresses.”

A close confidante of Mrs. Gore spoke to the Daily Rash on condition of anonymity.

“In the early days, Mr. Gore’s sexual peccadilloes were not so much shocking as they were pitiful. You know, his preoccupation with Bill and Monica. I heard Mrs. Gore yelling one night at her husband to “Get away from me with that cigar you freak!”

Tipper refused to comment on the headlines about her husband’s affair with Laurie David.

“I wish my husband the best in whatever mess he finds himself in. I just want to ask the media to go easy on him. He’s tried so hard his entire life to be liked. Here’s a man who’s been a senator and vice president of the United States. He’s won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Academy award and the Nobel Peace Prize. And now, after successfully convincing millions that global warming will soon end all life on Earth, he spends all his time alone in a room with his plastic bags and his confessions.”

A Huffington Post insider told the Daily Rash that Al Gore has denied all of his wife’s accusations in an upcoming blog on the site.

“He denies everything unequivocally. But he does add that if any of it were true, he wants to assure everyone that he would be using recyclable plastic bags.”

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