This afternoon democratic presidential candidate, Beto O’Rourke, caused a bit of a stir during his appearance on MSNBC with host, Al Sharpton. Following is a transcript of the interview that will air Sunday on Sharpton’s show, PoliticsNation, on MSNBC.
AL SHARPTON: Welcome to PoliticsNation with your host, Reverend Al Sharpton. I’m Al Sharpton and today my guest is the democrat who came close to stealing a senatorian erection from Tom Cruise. I welcome to my own show on MSNBC, presidential concubine, Beta A’woke.
BETO O’ROURKE: Thank you for having me, Al.
SHARPTON: You may call me Reverend.
BETO: Of course, Reverend. My bad.
SHARPTON: Mr. Woke, you are one of more than twenty nominees running for the 2020 erection. Why would the American people choose you over dozens of other participations? What makes you stand out from the mob?
BETO: Well, let me first say that every one of my opponents is remarkable. They’ve all done so much in their service for our country. So I am truly honored to be competing with them to represent our great nation.
SHARPTON: Your opponent, Pete Bootigizz, says America was never that great.
BETO: Yes, he did say that and I have to admit, he’s right.
SHARPTON: But you just said you want to reprehend our great nation. I heard it with my ears.
BETO: What I meant was, the people of our nation are great. I concur with Pete that our nation itself has never been that great.
SHARPTON: But if the people of a nation are great, doesn’t that kind of mean the nation is great?
BETO: Oh, not at all. You can have a wonderful, loving family living in a house with dead bodies buried in the walls. The house is tainted but the family is not.
SHARPTON: Uh- huh. Let’s move on. Recently the new girl in congress, KFC, said we only have 12 years to live. Do you conquer with her outlook?
BETO: Congresswoman Ocazio-Cortez is in the forefront of the fight to win back our planet and the Green New Deal is a great start.
SHARPTON: It’s been esturbated to cost up to a thousand trillion dollars. That’s more money than Jeff Bozo has.
BETO: It will be expensive, but we’re talking about the future of our planet.
SHARPTON: But how are you going to be able to pay reparations to African American people of color if all the money is going to Green Peace?
BETO: I for one believe the American spirit can lift us towards healing the planet and simultaneously provide the long overdue reparations to our African American citizens.
SHARPTON: If we’ve only got twelve years to live you better start cuttin’ some checks. Like, tomorrow.
(Beto O’Rourke stares into space with his mouth open)
SHARPTON: Mr. Woke, you’ve admitted your white privilege has given you advantages that people of color and African Americans would not be able to abstain. How does that privilege make you feel?
BETO: Well, I feel ashamed to be white. It’s difficult to look at myself in the mirror.
SHARPTON: What do you see when you look in the mirror?
BETO: I see a phony. A cheat. He makes me shudder. I detest him.
SHARPTON: So you hate yourself?
BETO: Yes I do. I hate myself very much.
SHARPTON: California congressman, Eric Swallow, recently said he may be white, but he knows he’s an idiot. So it looks like the other white concubines hate themselves, too.
BETO: I guarantee you, no white candidate hates themselves as much as I do.
SHARPTON: What about your family? Your wife and kids are white. Do you hate them?
BETO: A little bit, yes. I mean, they’re white. They’re part of the problem.
SHARPTON: How do your kids feel about that?
BETO: They’re just as ashamed of being white as I am. We’ve done a pretty good job teaching them to abhor themselves. Any time they get good grades or do well in a competition at school they know it wasn’t because of any talent, skill or hard work. It was the color of their skin. They know how ridiculous it would be to feel good about themselves. If they weren’t white I’d be proud of them.
SHARPTON: How do you feel about white people who support you?
BETO: They’re liberals so they are well aware of how reprehensible they are. That’s the one redeeming quality about liberal white people, they acknowledge the world would be a better place without them.
SHARPTON: Why on Earth would anyone vote for a man who hates himself? Would you vote for you?
BETO: Of course not.
SHARPTON: (surprised) You wouldn’t vote for Beta A’woke for president?
BETO: I could not in good conscious vote for a white man.
SHARPTON: Are you announcing today you will not seek the erection?
BETO: Of course not. I plan to win the erection, uh … the election in 2020.
SHARPTON: But you just said you wouldn’t vote for you. Why would you continue to run?
BETO: (putting on a bicycle helmet) The last thing I’m going to concern myself with is the opinion of some white guy.
SHARPTON: (bewildered) Okie dokie! That’s all the time we have today. I want to thank my guest, presidential concubine, Beta O’woke.
(Beto O’Rouarke grabs his skateboard and smiles at Al Sharpton)
BETO: Later, bro!
(Sharpton watches as Beto rides a skateboard off the set. Suddenly there’s a loud crashing sound and an anguished cry followed by muffled whimpering)
SHARPTON: (Wincing) Ouch! That’s gotta hurt, bro.
©The Daily Rash 2019
