SEATTLE – Talbert Wilcox pleaded not guilty in a Seattle Municipal Court yesterday to charges that he killed his childhood friend, Marshall Dimmrod. Mr. Wilcox told the court that although he did kill Marshall Dimmrod, it was because Dimmrod drove him insane with “incessant, mundane, day-in-the-life Facebook comments.” Wilcox’s defense counsel told the court...
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NEW YORK – DreamWorks Studios announced today that they are in the final stages of salary negotiations with former Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank for their new Looney Tunes Bugs Bunny movie. Frank is slated to play Elmer Fudd in the two-hundred million dollar, three hour movie. The congressman expressed interest in the role when...
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ABBOTTABAD, PAKISTAN – After innumerable years of killing innocent people, dwelling in caves, riding camels in the dead of night and eating more than his fair share of leftovers, sources close to Osama bin Laden say he was just weeks away from turning over a new leaf before U.S. Navy Seals blew his face...
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NEW YORK – Naomi Campbell was arrested at JFK International Airport Thursday night by Port Authority Police and transported to an undisclosed medical facility where she was handcuffed to her hospital bed. Miss Campbell is being charged with aggravated assault, verbal intimidation and disorderly conduct. Criminal defense attorney Nigel Nottingham reassured Miss Campbell’s fans...
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DALLAS – Top executives at 7-Eleven announced today that the company plans to implement prostate examinations into its ever growing menu of services. Speaking to a large group of 7-Eleven employees, senior director of sales Portnoy Clam expressed his excitement about adding prostate exams in five million 7-Eleven stores by August. The response from...
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CHICAGO – During his speech reprimanding “white Christians who prayed for President Barack Obama to die,” Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan also said he’d been abducted by a spaceship.
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NEW YORK – Not everyone is complaining about the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) “pat-down” procedures. During a time in which thousands of Americans share their dissatisfaction with being groped and prodded, fondled and squeezed at airports, filmmaker Michael Moore is calling for Americans to “lighten up” and “enjoy” what he called “a necessary precaution...
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NEEDLES, CALIFORNIA – Until recently, excessive fecal weight had rarely been considered a culprit in the breakdown of a marriage. The idea that they might be hauling around an exorbitant wealth of fecal excess didn’t concern most people. Most Americans were oblivious to the undermining effect a bounty of inner sludge might be having...
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This morning the NFL announced that in addition to Justin Timberlake the Joe Scarborough Band will perform at the 2018 Super Bowl halftime show.
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When former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton visited NBC studios to promote her new children's book, Al Sharpton asked about her mother's wish to have more children.
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